Late night thoughts! January 10, 2019

Halluuu guys! Just a random post. Hahaha just wanna write a random things here in this blog. Yeah as you can see/read this blog is written in english. I just want to practice my english skills because i want to learn how to write english sentences with the correct grammar and not only to write but to speak it also with the correct grammar and pronunciation. I hope someday i can speak english fluently. Sorry if this blog has a lot of mistakes like the grammar and for not using the right word specially those words that is use as past tense or what, im really confused how to use it in sentence. Sorry!

So yeah, its already 10:26 pm and im in bed now trying to sleep but i really can’t so i decided to write a blog so that’s what i do now. My mind is empty now! There’s no english word that comes up in my mind so i guess my mind is giving up. Hahaha just kidding. I don’t know what to write. I’ll end my blog here. I dont want to add wrong sentences here so its better to end it now. Hahaha goodnight jahzeel i know someday, you can speak english fluently you just need to believe in yourself. I know you can do it so goodluck! Practice more.


Auto Biography 

​First of all, I just want to share the life story of this girl. She’s an 18 year-old now that lives in Longos Kalayaan, Laguna.

March 31, 1999 when her mother gave birth to her. She is the youngest among 5 siblings, four brother and 1 sister. Her father named Julian and her mother named Vilma. This family lived in Longos Kalayaan, Laguna. After her birth, their family lived in a peaceful and a happy one but ofcourse this family also had problems, misunderstandings and other challenges in life but at the end of the day their family stay together. Every single day she’s happy because although their life was not perfect their family stay together and live happily. But one day, something happened in her life that changes her. The happiness on her face turns into sadness in her eyes. She’s only 10 years old back then when she experienced this really heartbreaking circumstances. That was when her parents had disagreement that leads to separation of their lives, so it means she’s a broken family now and for her that was the heartbreaking part of her life. But that’s life, every time there’s a problem or challenges in her life she always think that everything happens for a reason. 

After that happenings in her life, she continued to live her life, to live normal again like there’s nothing happened in the past. She continued her grade school in Longos Elementary School and in high school she studied in San Juan National High School. During her high school days there’s another challenged that comes in her life. But this time it’s the most heartbreaking part of her life that she’ll never forget until she gets old . And that is when her father passed away. She’s very closed to her father because she’s papa’s girl. December 15, 2014 that was the exact date when her father died and for her that was the most distressful day in her entire life. All she felt that day was sorrow, sadness, melancholy, and she’s really feel down that day. She felt like she can’t live without him. She felt like she’s incomplete, she felt like there’s something missing in her well being. But then again that’s life she think again that everything happens for a reason but this time she wish she knew what the reason was. Because until now she can’t understand why those things happened to her. Now she’s in her tertiary level in Laguna State Polytechnic University. She’s very thankful and everyday she feel blessed because she have aunty that have a good heart that never hesitate to help her, not only to her but also to her family and she also have a grandmother that always there to support and provide all the needs that she needed. Her aunty and her grandmother are the ones that guides her now and she’s very thankful for that. That’s why she study well to become a successful woman and also to give back to them all the goodness they gave to her.

Now she can tell to herself that she improved something better in her personality and specially in her life. She become a strong person now and she knows that anything that comes in her life whether good or bad she can handle it, I can handle it rather. Yes “I” because the girl that I’m talking about this story is me. Yes I’m Jahzeel R. Dunghayan and this is the story of my life. 


Worst Day Ever! (October 19,2017)

Hindi ako okay feeling ko anytime kaya kong ma depress hindi ko alam! Napaka tanga ko SUPER TANGA KO! ANG TANGA MO JAHZEEL! Hindi ko kaya, hindi ko talaga kaya. Napakatanga mo napakatanga mo. Hindi ko alam kung pano ko lalabas na to ayoko makita ko ng mga tao wala kong pake sa pera sa kahihiyan dun ako natatakot dun ako nahihiya. Napakalaking kahihiyan ang ginawa ko! Napakatanga mo napakatanga mo. Hindi ko kaya lord please tulungan nyo po ako. Sorry sorry sa lahat sorry talaga. Ang bobo ko napaka bobo ko! Nakakahiya ka jahzeel hindi ko alam kung pano ko haharap kila tita ellen ngayon di ko alam kung bakit nangyari to ngayon. Di ko alam, oo everything happens for a reason pero ngayon hindi ko alam kung ano yung reason kung bakit nangyari to. Nakakahiya ayoko humarap sa mga tao kasi alam ko anytime may makakasalubong ako na alam kung anong nangyari sakin ngayon. Di talaga ko papasok bukas sorry lord sorry po talaga. Sorry sorry talaga sa lahat! Nakaka-asar naaasar ako sa sarili ko ngayon kasi napaka tanga ko. Ayoko ko alam ko bukas pag gising ko malalaman nilang lahat yung nangyari ngayon isang malaking kahihiyan to para sakin ayoko ng ganto ayoko ng may nagagawa akong mali ayoko ng ganto sorry tao lang din ako nagkakamali sorry di ako perfect sorry sorry talaga. Napakalaking problema ang ginawa ko ngayon ang dami kong pinagiipunan ang dami kong gustong bilin ang dami kong kailangan sa school tapos dahil lang dito mawawala lahat ng yun. Napaka tanga mo jahzeel tandaan mo yan, tong araw na to eto yung pinaka maling ginawa mo. Napakadami mo ng problema dinagdagan mo pa pano kasi tanga ka ang tanga tanga mo. Di ka lang gumawa ng problema gumawa ka pa ng kahihiyan napaka tanga mo jahzeel. Yan lang masasabi ko sayo napaka tanga mo. Hindi ko kaya hindi ko talaga kaya. Ayoko na ayoko bukas ayoko matulog kasi alam ko bukas kakalat tong balita na to sa kanila lord please po bukas ayoko po talaga makarinig ng mga di magagandang salita. Please po lord alam ko naman po lahat ng mali eh alam ko naman po lahat ng kasalanan ko please po. Kaya natatakot ako maging masaya eh kasi lagi na lang pag nagiging masaya ko lagi na lang may nangyayaring masama. 


Feeling what?

Hi guys! Okay hindi ko alam kung nararanasan nyo rin ba yung ganto o hindi. Alam nyo yung feeling na hindi mo alam kung ano ba yung naffeel nyo? Yung hindi ka naman masaya di ka rin malungkot yung feeling na wala lang. Parang shunga lang di ba? Tas ang dami kong naiisip sa sobrang dami hindi ko na maintindihan. Minsan naffeel ko parang may masamang mangyayare yung ganun tas lahat na lang ng makita ko bibigyan ko ng meaning tas magooverthink na ko. Kung ano ano na maiisip ko na di maganda. Nakaka-asar ayoko ng gantong feeling nasisira talaga yung araw ko nasasayang yung bawat araw at oras na meron ako hindi ko naeenjoy yung buhay ko dahil lang sa pag ooverthink na yan. Lord help me po. Please mawala na po sana talaga to, sana po bukas goodvibes na po ako, lord please tulungan nyo po sana talaga ko feeling ko po kasi bumabalik na naman po ako sa dati. 


Emptiness, loneliness, depressed…. I don’t know

I don’t know where to start pero kasi hindi ko na alam kung ano bang nangyayari sakin ngayon. Oo nung una feeling empty lang talaga ko yung hindi naman ako masaya pero hindi rin naman ako malungkot yung ganun. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganto hindi ko alam kung ngayon depressed na ba ko or ano hindi ko talaga alam basta gusto ko lang ngayon yung ako lang mag-isa ayoko muna gumala, makipag kwentuhan or kahit ano. Ang daming gumugulo sa isip ko hindi ko alam kung ano uunahin ko kung ano ba dapat kong gawin.

Naaasar na ko sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko alam kung pano ko maiiwasan yung ganto pinipilit ko naman na imotivate yung sarili ko, na magfocus sa ibang bagay tinatatak ko sa isip ko na dapat umaga pa lang good mood na, smile lang yung ganun para mawala sa isip ko lahat ng negative vibes kaso di talaga umeepekto eh. Kahit pilitin ko na maging masaya di ko maiwasan na pag wala na kong kasama babalik na naman ako sa dati. Yung happiness na nararanasan ko panandalian lang yung ang bilis mawala and thankful pa rin ako kasi kahit papano kahit sandali lang nararanasan ko maging masaya at thankful ako kasi sa mga kaibigan ko nararanasan yung mga ganung bagay atleast pag sila yung kasama ko nakakalimutan ko na malungkot ako at hinihiling ko talaga na sana dumating yung araw na maranasan ko yung true happiness na ang tagal ko ng gustong mangyari sakin yung pangmatagalan na happiness. Tsaka bakit ba ganto? Pati mga kaibigan ko gusto ko muna layuan, ilang araw na kong hindi sumasama sa kanila hindi ko alam kung bakit pati sila gusto kong layuan, sila na nga tong nagpapasaya sakin pero ako pa yung gustong lumayo di ko alam kung bakit, mas gusto ko ngayon yung presence ng bahay yung manuod lang ng tv ganun, pag nasa bahay ako okay naman ako pero pag may kaharap na kong ibang tao o kaya mga kaibigan ko nagiiba talaga ko hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Ang hirap talaga nahihirapan na ko sa lahat ng bagay ang daming bumabagabag sakin na hindi naman talaga dapat. Minsan nagooverthink na ko yung feeling ko may disease ako yung ganun kahit wala naman talaga muka na kong tang*. Hindi ko alam ang dami kong pinoproblema na hindi naman dapat problemahin pero sa totoo lang wala naman talaga kong dapat problemahin eh kasi okay naman lahat wala namang pinagbago yung buhay ko ganun pa rin tulad ng dati. Bakit ba ko nagkakaganto? Gusto ko malaman yung sagot at ang solusyon dito sa sitwasyon ko ngayon gusto ko na maging masaya yung totoong masaya feeling ko kasi may napakalaking wall na nakaharang sa harapan ko na hindi ko matibag tibag, feeling ko may kulang sakin at hindi ko alam kung ano yung kulang na yun. Nahihirapan ako na mag open kahit kanino, ayoko magopen sa kanila di ako sanay na ako yung na iyak sa harap nila, takot ako na baka hindi sila makinig sakin, na baka sabihin nila ang drama ko na self-centered ako yung mga ganung bagay pero alam ko naman na hindi sila ganun natatakot lang ako na baka ganun yung mangyari.


First Blog Post

Hi! Uhhhm pano ba to sisimulan? Hahaha sorry ha first blog post eh. So yun na nga actually matagal na ko gumawa ng blog site at ngayon ko lang talaga naisipan na simulan to kasi wala lang sinipag lang ako hahaha charot lang hindi kasi ano boring talaga ngayong araw eh lahat na ata ng pwedeng mapaglibangan nagawa ko na eh. Haaaaay! Nakakaurat na kasi talaga.


And by the way na-inspired talaga ko gumawa ng blog because of her. 👇


                    “Nicomaine Dei C. Mendoza”.

Oo sya, sya talaga ewan ko kasi everytime na nagbabasa ako ng blog nya napapa-isip ako parang gusto ko rin ng may blog (gaya-gaya lang ang peg). Pero real talk nainspired talaga ko ni Maine na gumawa ng ganto kasi sa blog nya ang daming pwedeng balikan na nangyari sa buhay nya (good or bad man), ang dami nyang nate-treasure na memories. Ang daming happenings sa buhay nya na ngayon ang dami ng nakakabasa at isa na ko dun hahahaha.

At ang isa pa palang rason kaya ko gumawa ng blog para dito ko lahat mabubuhos lahat ng gusto kong sabihin na hindi ko masabi sa iba. Yung lahat ng sama ng loob, yung mga random thoughts ko,yung mga happy moments/memories with friends and family dito ko ike-kwento lahat.

Hindi naman kasi talaga ko mahilig sa mga ganto yung magsusulat ng kung ano anong keme pero ngayon ko lang narealize na ang laki din pala ng bagay na magkaron ng blog kasi nahahasa yung isip mo sa writing and mate-treasure mo pa yung mga happenings sa buhay mo. Sabi nga ni ate tin (ate ni maris) “Isulat mo para  di malimutan at pag malabo na, basahin mo ulit.” Oh di ba kaya sa mga wala pang blog dyan gumawa na rin kayo pero kung ayaw nyo edi wag di ko naman kayo pinipilit kayo din. Hahahaha